I miss my wife.
Last night when I settled into bed next to her sleeping self it occurred to me that we are on Day Three. Three nights of my running out of the house as soon as the boys are in bed and returning only after my wife has fallen asleep. Three nights without even the abbreviated connection that we’ve (mostly) settled into since becoming parents.
It’s been busy around here lately, but that’s not really so unusual. We are busy. Life is busy. Somehow in spite of our efforts to keep it simple and commit to only what truly matters and just take.it.slow the world continues to hurtle and spin both around and through us. A lot of it is wonderful, but it also makes me dizzy. Dizzy and disconnected.
Connection is one of my most favorite words. I love the way it sounds and even more, the way it feels. I crave it. There’s a high that comes from that moment of engagement, no matter how small. It can happen in the line at Target with the cashier or waiting for the boys at pick-up with another parent. All that’s required is two people tuned in to the same moment. It’s a little thing really, but even little things require attention. Perhaps they are in particular need of it.
There is so much to be done in every moment that it’s hard to create space for much beyond the doing. By the time I can really see my wife we have both been mauled (a tad dramatic, yes) by the day and there is still so very much to be done. We are tired and our tuners are half dead. I wish that this were different. I trust that it will be. Eventually.
For now though, I just miss my wife. It’s Halloween with nothing but rain in the forecast so I’m looking forward to a whole lot of slow at my house tonight. No plans, no to-do lists. Just this family being together. And then after bedtime, just the Mommies. I’m going to tinker with my tuner this afternoon and see if I can get the thing going.
This being a grown-up thing is no joke.