Thanks for following me over to Blogger! I have been considering a move since around the time Yogi was born and I created a private picture share blog for family over here, but I haven’t done the relocation work until now. You may wonder, why now?
Because I am in the full throes of the kind of mania that is possible for a person who does not have bipolar illness. Which is to say that I am consumed with whatever it is that is going on in my wife’s uterus. I’ve been forgetting to eat (this is VERY uncharacteristic), buzzing around the house at a million miles an hour and finding it nearly impossible to slow my mind down long enough to fall asleep. So when my wife (who has been thrillingly exhausted lately) tucks into bed, I’ve been learning about how to move a blog from WordPress to Blogger. There are certainly worse things a person could do with their time.
But the big question is, why all the crazy? Why now?
At first I was thinking that the answer lie in the fact that during this part of our wait with Yogi I had a job. I was entirely too busy to be this obsessed. But…..his wait was during Winter Break, a time that I have always marked with goals along the lines of “read novels under blankets, bake cookies and catch up on Top Chef”. I wasn’t even teaching. Now, I should tell you that I was preoccupied during that wait. No question. I was excited and scared and eager and counting the minutes until each ultrasound. I was far from chill. But since the moment I saw that 280 appear on my phone, I have been jacked.up. That is the only way to put it.
I guess what I’m trying to say is – something is UP around here and I’d like to know what it is. As someone who has a lot of pride tied up in the validity of her intuition, this is a vulnerable statement to make in such a public forum, but I think there is more than one baby in there. I really, really, really feel that this is true. I have scoured every IVF message board and website and I know that our betas are not in the “It’s totally twins” range. They are higher than I had thought they would be based on Yogis numbers and our first early loss, but they aren’t that high. I also know that beta values and even doubling rates are not perfect predictors of anything beyond the viability of a pregnancy. I just have this feeling.
A feeling that I’d like to think is not just called “hope”. But…. it might be.