Are You My Mother?

Thanks to R and J at .breaking into blossom. I’ve got a great new blog in my reader.  It’s called Regular Midwesterners and last week they posed an interesting question.  You can read J’s response here.

Do you think of yourself as a “mother”? A “father”? Something in between? Why?

For reasons that are likely obvious, I love this question.

The strange state in which I reside and adopted my son, thinks of me as a “father”.  On his newly issued birth certificate my name is typed neatly in the box marked “Father”.  This is both ridiculous and hilarious.  Oh how I do love the South.  When we can’t figure out how to handle something, we just barrel through making assess of ourselves.

I think of myself as a “Mama”, which I occasionally also spell as Momma.  I haven’t decided which version I like best.  No matter how it’s spelled, Momma suits me.  It’s a designation that has more flexible associations (for me at least) than the more buttoned-up options of either Mother or Father.  Mama offers opportunity for invention.

I am a Momma when:

  • I hold my wife close to my body so I can feel our baby kick
  • I pull my shoulders back with pride when I introduce her to someone as my wife
  • I snuggle Yogi close whenever he slows down long enough to allow it
  • I worry obsessively about whether he will abandon milk forever when we forcibly remove him from the bottle
  • I initiate a game of “pillows” by tossing pillows at Yogi’s head and tickling him to within an inch of his life while he’s down
  • I tear up listening to Yogi and his Mommy splashing and giggling in the tub
  • I toss him over my shoulder and dangle him by his feet asking “Where’s the baby?” when he gets impatient while running errands
  • I’ve never seen two more handsome people than Yogi and my wife in khaki pants and collared shirts

While there can certainly be comfort in a script, gay families have something that is even more precious.  We have the blank page, pregnant* with possibility.

* I am working the word “pregnant” into absolutely any space that will consider allowing it.


3 thoughts on “Are You My Mother?

  1. I love everything about this post, but “I tear up listening to Yogi and his Mommy splashing and giggling in the tub” totally got me. Just, wow.

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