A Funny Thing is Happening at my House

We are actively trying to have another baby, but we’re not really talking about it.

Let me back up.  We have been talking about it for months, we’re just not really talking about it right now.  The discussion around baby #2 started practically before my wife’s maternity leave ended.  Questions of when and where and how and with what.  All the relevant lesbian baby-making questions.  We were sure that we wanted a sibling for Yogi.  There have been moments when we weren’t entirely sure that we wanted to have another baby for ourselves, but the pendulum has always swung back enthusiastically towards yes.

By the time we got pregnant with Yogi we had burned through all but three of our frozen embroys.  For those of you who are new around here, we moved pretty quickly from IUI to IVF (great insurance – at the time) and were pregnant with Yogi aftter 1 fresh transfer with 1 embryo and 1 frozen transfer with 1 embryo.  He was frozen transfer #2 which we did with 2 embryos.

As of this moment, a few important things are true:

  • We have 3 frozen embryos from our initial egg retrieval and fertilization
  • We are out of sperm
  • Our donor is no longer available

For the last two months my wife has been on estrogen (both pills and patch) and tomorrow she will be going in for a screening ultrasound.  If everything looks good, we will be traveling to our old city and our old (fabulous!!!) doctor and lab for a transfer next week.  Based on the results of the ultrasound it is entirely possibility that I will be shooting my wife in the tail with progesterone as early as Thursday morning.

The embryo thawing process is a tricky one and it is entirely possible (although I hope not likely) that none of our embryos will make it.  If one makes it, we will transfer it.  If two make it, we will transfer both.  If all three make it I have no idea what we will do.  Literally.  If no one makes it, we’ll go home.  That process won’t begin until the morning of the transfer, so we’ll deal with the news as it comes.

I think we’ve both been struck dumb with how very much we want this to work and how very much of a long shot we know it is.  It’s a funny thing for a woman who shares ZERO genetic material with her son to want, but I desperately want Yogi to have a full genetic sibling.  It doesn’t matter to me, but what if it matters to him?  What if he struggles with the not-knowingness and it makes him feel alone or separate?  It seems to me that there might be some comfort in having a sibling that is in precisely the same boat.  Someone with whom he is entirely related.  I want this for him so much that it’s impossible for me to even say out loud.

I hope these genetic relationships don’t matter to him.  I hope he feels as close to me as he does to my wife.  I hope he feels like my extended family is his family.  But if he doesn’t I want to be able to give him this and we only have this one shot.  I’m not sure that even makes sense, but it is precisely how I feel.

I guess what I’m saying is this:

  • If you pray, please pray for us.
  • If you send good vibes, please send good vibes.
  • If you think fertile thoughts, please think some on our behalf.

Thank you.

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7 thoughts on “A Funny Thing is Happening at my House

  1. Oh wow! That is so very exciting. Definitely sending super fertile thoughts your way.

    On a side note: I've wondered the same thing about our not-even-conceived children. How will they feel about their genetic background? Unfortunately we have no way of know beforehand, but the love they receive from us sustains them and allows them to flourish. How does that not trump silly genetics?!

  2. I do all of these things, and I will do all of these things – with all of my might – for you guys now!

    I have about a thousand thoughts about this, but since this post brought me to tears, I'm probably too emotional to express them right now. More to come (probably in private message), but here's the bottom line: I am so happy for you all, and I'm full of hope that this experience will bring Yogi the brother or sister he deserves.

  3. I think the question of genetics is SO DEEP and so meaningless, at the same time. I am an only child whose mother abandoned her. I was raised by a biological father and a step mother who I called mom. I know I have a half sister out there that my biological mother raised. My point is, I speak from some experience about all this “Who am I, who are you?” stuff.

    And what I'd like to say is that . . . you are doing your best in a situation you have very little control over and that's a good feeling. And you have no idea what Yogi's thoughts and feelings are going to be on this matter, if any, so don't spend overly too much time trying to plan for them. We all play the hand we are dealt. You're playing yours, and Yogi will play his. In the end, the challenge is to believe that what we have is what's best . . . because that's what we have.

    But also, there's nothing quite so awesome as getting what you want. So! Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! Good luck! Godly, universal, and metaphysical energies of most stripes coming your way!

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