Four More Days

Waiting here after our fifth try, I’m surprised by how much feels different and how much feels very much  the same.  We’ve still got patches and pills and needles.  We’re still counting days.  I’m still fighting the impulse to ask her how she feels every few minutes.  I am getting better with that one though.

What is different is a pervasive feeling of calm.  Neither my wife nor I am particularly calm at baseline, so this is new.  We are also talking about the babies, which we haven’t done in the past bc my wife has been cautious about emotional connection before we are sure we have anything to be connected with.  I talk to them each night and kiss them goodbye when she heads to work.  She justifies her extra bowl of cream of wheat before bed by saying “The babies love farina.”  We’ve decided that we are brave enough to be hopeful this time.  It’s scary, but it also feels right.


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